When someone has such a profound notion as self-realization it is truly life changing. With three unfulfilling relationship, love will make a person do unheard-of things. Out of love can sometimes come a lot of trouble. Janie goes through these three very major events in her life that help her come to this point of self-realization. It was a long hard road to get to it, but it pays off for her in the end. It was a lot of wasted time, but still, time full of experience, love, hate, pain, and happiness. Even though the relationships were unfulfilling, they inevitably helped her in finding her way through life and her understanding of herself.
In the beginning of the book she was not inclined to talk about what had happened to her no how. She only wanted to tell Pheoby and that was it."Ah don't mean to bother wid tellin' 'em nothin', Pheoby. 'Tain't worth de trouble. You can tell 'em what Ah say if you wants to. Dat's just de same as me 'cause mah tongue is in mah friend's mouf." (pg.6) By the end she saw how imporant it was to share her story and told Pheoby to make sure she tells the rest. Pheoby helps her see that her story is inspiring and helped her have a sense of her own self-realization. Pheoby says to Janie, "Ah done growed ten feet higher from jus' listenin' tuh you, Janie. Ah, ain't satisfied wid mahself no mo'."(pg.192)
First was her relationship with Logan Killics, the most unsuccessful relationship she was in out of the three, mainly because it was a forced, rushed marriage. Nanny wanted to see that Janie was taken care of so she found someone who could do that. She didnt want Janie to end up a mule, like she had been, Black women were the mules of the world. She refused at first, but Nanny insisted, That she would eventually come to love him. Unfortunately Logan treated Janie the exact opposite of how Nanny wanted. He treated her so badly because of his fear of her leaving him. She never returned the affection or attraction that he gave to her. If he couldnt control her and make her love him, then he would just control her in other ways. On night Logan said that Janie was spoiled and lazy so she fired back the idea that he was so scared of, that what if she might leave him. When he responded back about her families reputation this set her off and she left the very next day with a new man. This first marriage helped her to realize that just because you are married to someone doesnt mean love will follow by any means. Even after realizing this she still knew in her heart that love was the best reason to marry someone, also that love is attainable and isnt nothing but a dream.
She left with a man by the name of Jody Sparks. Janie made this decision so hastily because Jody helped her to remember the dreams she once had of getting married and being in love. Jody didnt make her into the common pack mule, like Logan did, and he promised he never would. He swore he would take care of her, he would work hard and be somebody; from this she would reap the benefits. This is not why she married him though; she did so because he made her feel exactly how she felt while sitting under that pear tree. He brought all hope back into her life. Everything he said to her seemed to be exactly what Nanny had wanted for her all along. He gave her financial stability, and didnt treat her like a pack mule unlike Logan, but like her and Logans marriage it ended up being an unhappy one. He always talked down to her and said since she was a women she wouldnt understand. Unfortunately he gave Janie Nannys worst fears and hopes all at the same time. She couldnt act like herself around him; she couldnt even give her opinion. "Janie loved the conversation and sometimes she thought up good stories on the mule, but Joe had forbidden her to indulge. He didn't want her talking after such trashy people." (pg. 50)Women folk dont know how to think. "'Somebody got to think for women and chillun and chickens and cows. I god, they sho don't think none theirselves.'"(pg. 67) She knew exactly what she wanted to say and how she wanted to act but she was shut down every time. This made her shut down completely as a person and instead of being a human with thoughts and feelings she was just a shell of a person with no voice at all.
It wasnt until her third marriage to Tea cake that she really started to notice a difference. She could really be herself with him. In her first marriage it was just a matter of being sold from Nanny to Logan. Her second one was an escape from the first. These really left her upset and empty; like everything she had dreamed for was taken right from under her. First she thought the feelings would grow eventually even though she knew she didnt love him. Second she thought she had everything she wanted love and marriage but that thought vanished quickly, Jody was only focused on his dreams not hers in the least bit. Tea Cake let her go hunting, fishing, and even play games with him. Jody would never think of doing that. Tea cake gave her equality in the relationship, which is unknowingly what she wanted from the beginning. He also gave her romance which she longed for.
To gain personal freedom she had to learn how to be free in herself, but also how to be free in society no matter how looked down upon she is, one for being black, and two for being a women. Then and only then can she start to have a good sense of self-realization. What she learned from Tea cake about herself she could never describe with words. She had gained a lot of life experience through all of this and that is the only this that can guide her to absolute self-realization. When she retells her story to Pheoby, she realizes how many mistakes she had made, but without these mistakes she would have never made it to where she is now. She has no regrets in any of the chocies that she did make, bad or good, because she is satisfied with wehere she is now, a free, open-minded women with a voice and an opinion. Through the good and the bad, the easy and the hard she realizes the importance of every step that she took.
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