I have always heard about and read of women in Africa being treated unfairly and not being able to express their opinions. This is the first time though that I have read a which book that really gave me an insight into what could be the innermost feelings of a woman in Africa who goes through what every woman must dread going through abandonment by her husband for another woman. This is what the female protagonist (Ramatoulaye), goes through and more in Mariama Bs novel So Long A Letter. In this essay, I will explore the aspects of Ramtoulayes life that I felt were grossly unfair and how I would have dealt with similar cultural expectations.
The aspect that I thought was the most unfair in Ramatoulayes life was that of her husband, Modous, taking in a second wife. Binetou, who is a friend of and the same age as Ramatoulayes eldest daughter Daba, becomes Ramatoulayes co-wife. The fact that Modou did not even bother to tell Ramatoulaye about his second marriage made me gasp at the injustice of the situation. First of all, Modou decides to woo a girl the age of his own daughter. While doing that, he actually gets his own wife, Ramatoulaye, to help him in what she later terms to be elegant in his seduction of another woman. (Page 38) This is because, it was Ramatoulaye who would fold his suits and carefully put them away after his rejection of them every night before he went out. She realised only later that he had started to take extra pain in his dressing up because he was wooing a girl much younger than him, a girl who yet had to sit for her baccalaureate. On top of all this, he does not even have the courage to tell her about his second marriage and sends instead his friend, brother and the local imam to break this news onto her. This I thought was very unjust of Modou, not to mention a very cowardly, gutless action from him.
After this news was broken unto Ramatoulaye, she was expected to smile and thank the men that brought her this news so as to acknowledge the humane way in which they accomplished the situation. This was very ironical as what they had done was not humane at all. Still, Ramatoulaye was not expected to show any emotions. Instead she had to be polite and courteous, send thanks to Modou for being a good husband and a good father, give the men something to drink, see them out, doing all this while smiling so as not to show how this betrayal had affected her.
Dealing with similar cultural expectations would have been very hard for me as well if I would have been in Ramatoulayes position. In fact, I do not think that I would have been able to handle the situation as well as Ramatoulaye did. Although it is unfair that she be expected to be civil to the very same people who brought the news that broke her heart, she managed to preserve what was left of her dignity, kept her emotions in check, and did not in actual fact allow them to see how severely the effect of their news was onto her.
I also thought that the installing of Binetou in Ramatoulayes house during their husbands funeral was extremely unfair. A funeral is a very sacred ceremony to mourn the absence of a being that had an impact in your life. It is a time for reflection and a time for remembrance, a time for grieving and a time that is very personal for you. Yet, Ramatoulaye was expected to bear the presence of the very same woman who had snatched away husband from her, in her very own home. This was something I found very unfair; totally and completely for I would not have been able to bear the presence of a rival, especially a co-wife in my house and again, I admire Ramatoulaye and how she coped with this situation.
The entertaining of the in-laws was a custom that I found very irritating to read about. In the beginning of chapter nine in this novel, on page nineteen, Ramatoulaye describes how she had to tolerate Modous sisters who would desert their own homes to encumber hers. She says that she would have to feed them and keep them amused while their children spoilt her furniture. She had to tolerate some of their disgusting habits too like spitting under her carpets just because they were Modous family members. This was utterly unfair. Ramtoulaye even had to satisfy her mother-in-law together with her friends, and many times had to reward the end of her visits with some money.
If I would have to deal with such cultural expectations, then I would not compromise with my husbands family the way Ramatoulaye did. A persons home is a place where they can rest, a place where their very own soul can be at peace. I would not like it at all if anyone, (even if it was my in-laws), to come and destroy the peace and sanctuary of my humble abode. I would never tolerate such actions and make it clear to my husband from the very beginning about such matters.
The idea of someone inheriting anothers wife is one that absolutely repels me. I would never allow myself to be inherited by my brother in law or a friend of my husband. A marriage, as Ramatoulaye states in the book on page 58, is an act of faith and of love, the total surrender of oneself to the person one has chosen and one who has chosen you. If it is so, and I totally agree with that definition, then how can a wife be inherited? How can a person be treated in such a way as if she were just an object to be passed around and used? Hence, this aspect of Ramatoulayes life is another that I found grossly unfair and I admire how she stood up for her rights and spoke up for herself. Nobody should allow anyone else to have control over their body or actions. They shouldnt allow themselves to be treated as objects as after all they are human beings with a mind, heart, and body.
These are a few of the aspects of Ramatoulayes life that I did not agree with and found extremely unfair. It still amazes me that many women in Africa allow themselves to be treated in such ways or tolerate customs and meet cultural expectations that morally and socially degrade them. No one should be made to do such things. Such customs and traditions should be reported and action should be taken against them.
Bibliography
B, M., So Long a Letter, African Writer Series, 1981.
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